The Greatest Evil
by Logical Fallacy
Summary: The Fellowship, somewhat complete, has made it to Mount Doom to do their purpose: Get rid of the Greatest Evil in Middle Earth. One shot; Parody fic; Mary Sue bashing.
1. Pilot

**The Greatest Evil**

**Written by Logical Fallacy**

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

"Thank Eru," Isabella Serena von Daae whispered, silently thanking her 'foresight' for convincing her to wear her eternally-lasting, waterproof make-up. The sweat down her face was only a symbol of her long and hard journey. It seemed as though it were months ago that she landed here in Middle Earth, and now she and the rest of the Fellowship were finally about to throw the thrice-damned ring into Mount Doom.

"What was that, my beautiful lady?" Boromir asked, smiling at her. She let the corners of her mouth pull up in a small smile. She remembered how she saved him. It was after the battle with the Uruk-hai. She had been allowed to fight along with them. She'd been sweaty but still beautiful, with her perfect brunette hair (which had silver, gold, purple, black, and blue highlights), dazzling green eyes (which had blue, gold, amber, silver and purple rims), and clear, unblemished skin (which had beautiful tribal tattoos on the joints of her ankles and wrists, in the middle of her forehead, in between her shoulder blades, on her lower back, and at the back of her neck to symbolize her second-to-none infinite power).

He was slowly dying, lying on the forest floor in a pool of his own blood, and all it took was for her to sing a song, and she healed him completely. Even the old scars disappeared with her healing magic.

She looked at the Gondorian, her smile demure.

"It was nothing," she replied in her 'quaint' voice. She patted her sparkly pink MacBook Air which was kept in her custom-made Prada laptop case. She felt blessed that the batteries, once she'd landed in Middle Earth, became ever-lasting and required no more charging, so that she could use it for as long as she wished to without worrying of the laptop dying. In fact, she _did_ use it—she recorded all the events of their journey in it. And this final moment—the moment when she would be proclaimed hero of them all—would be forever stored on her beloved MacBook.

"Ahem," said Aragorn loudly, interrupting the two. Isabella smiled. It was obvious that he, as long with Legolas, Boromir, Elladan and Elrohir, was in love with her. "Gandalf would like to make a speech."

Gandalf nodded, looking at each of them squarely before he began. "We started this journey months ago, each promising to get rid of the worst evil in Middle Earth. Every singly individual here has contributed to the success of this journey.

"Boromir, for defending the hobbits in their time of need, and for lending us his marvellous sword abilities." Boromir drew up his chest proudly.

"Gimli, for lifting our spirits when our morale was down." The dwarf pumped his fist into the air.

"Legolas, for helping us through the darkest hours. Without your Elvin light, we may still be stuck in the dark pits of Moira." Legolas nodded his head in a serene way, displaying his calm Elf demeanor.

"Aragorn, for taking the throne of Gondor. With out Gondor's people, this war may have been lost to Sauron." Aragorn tipped his head in acknowledgment, but that was it.

"The three hobbits, for helping Frodo resist the ring." The hobbits cheered; Merry and Pippin began to dance.

"Frodo, for resisting the ring as long as you did." Frodo imitated Aragorn, nodding his head and nothing else.

"And finally, to our dear, beautiful, kind, _perfect_ Isabella." All eyes turned to the mentioned girl, who was trying to look modest but failing miserably.

"Dear Isabella, you have done so much for Middle Earth, as well as this Fellowship, though you had no obligation to. You saved Boromir from death by the Uruk-hai; you saved me from the Balrog; you saved Frodo from becoming corrupted by the ring. You bravely fought all the Ringwraiths on Weathertop, vanquishing them all. Without you, this journey would have come to an end a long time ago."

"It's alright, Gandalf," Isabella said. "No need to give what I am sure is a very beautiful speech about me. It is true, I am perfect in everyway, but for now let us focus on less frivolous things. You may write down that speech for me later, so that I may have record of it.

"Now, let us do what we came for. Let us get rid of the greatest evil in Middle Earth!" Isabella held out her hand for the ring expectantly, standing near the edge of the drop so that she could be the one to throw the ring.

"Yes, let's," murmured Legolas with a mischievous grin.

Every single male member of the Fellowship charged at Isabella.

She shrieked and tried to dodge out of their way, but instead jumped right into the fiery depths below. She scrambled to hold on to something—any ledge, any foothold that could support her weight—and, to her relief, found one.

"Help me up!" she shouted at the Fellowship. "Help me up! Quick, or I shall fall, and be lost to you forever."

"That was the point!" Merry called back gleefully.

"I—I don't understand!" she wailed, tightening her hold on the rock. "I thought our purpose was to rid Middle Earth of its greatest evil!"

"And we are," Legolas said calmly. "You are our greatest evil."

"That is not true," she screamed desperately. "I saved all of you time and time again; I held the Fellowship together! I am perfect! What have I done wrong?"

"That is your error." Gandalf seemed to grow in size, as he did those many months ago in the Shire. "The greatest evil in this world is a Mary Sue." With that, he hit his staff on the rock, and Isabella fell down into the fires of Mordor.

"Thank the Valar that the evil has gone," Legolas sighed. "I can not condone pretending to fall in love with another one of those horrible Sues. Listening to them complain about their 'abused' pasts, teaching them Elvish and archery, saving them from Orcs, finding out they are long-lost relatives of either Galadriel or Elrond… I can stand it no longer."

"Calm yourself, my friend," Aragorn said. "Let avoid the all the forests that boarder Rivendell, the Woodland Realm—or any Mirkwood forest, for that matter—and Fangorn Forest in the future."

"Why is that?" asked Pippin, the ever-curious hobbit.

"The authors of these Sues usually put them there, near the Orc camps, right at the moment when we are hunting, so that we may conveniently 'save' them." Gimli replied gruffly.

"I really hope that she is the last one," said Frodo quietly. "I really am tired of getting 'called' by the ring. And I'm sure Bilbo is tired of throwing his eleventy-first birthday every time a new girl pops up."

"As we are all," Gandalf said. "As we are all."

**END PILOT CHAPTER**

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

**Due to positive reception of the original story, I'm editing and adding more to it. It's really meant to be a one-shot, so if you didn't like it, you don't have to read the next chapter. **

**I added that MacBook Air bit in there because it's the most crucial element to all the chapters after this. **

**One more thing: Can you please recommend a list of books to read? I have**** absolutely**** nothing in my reading list (except LotR, which I shall begin shortly).**

**Follow me on twitter: therantothea**


	2. MacBook Excerpts: Boromir's Death

_**Excerpts from Isabella's MacBook Air: Boromir's Death**_

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

"Boromir!" Isabella called out desperately. She pushed Aragorn aside, and the ranger permitted it, for he knew that Isabella was greater than he could ever be, and Boromir would surely prefer her goddess-like face to his scraggly, smelly one.

The fallen man turned to look at her, believing it to be his last glimpse of the great beauty.

With a sad smile, Boromir said lovingly, "Thank you for gracing me with your companionship on this journey, no matter what my end is. I'm grateful that I was allowed to spend any time with you, that I was allowed to see your face in the beautiful sunrise…" His voice was a little less than a whisper, but she heard it anyway.

"Boromir, no! It cannot end this way!" Isabella cried out. She grabbed both his hands in hers, and began to sing an ancient chant in a language known only to her.

_Tsamina mina, eh eh__  
__Waka waka, eh eh__  
__Tsamina mina zangalewa__  
__Anawa a a__  
__Tsamina mina, eh eh__  
__Waka waka, eh eh__  
__Tsamina mina zangalewa__  
__This time for Africa___

_Awela Majoni Biggie Biggie Mama One A To Zet__  
__Athi sithi LaMajoni Biggie Biggie Mama From East To West__  
__Bathi... Waka Waka Ma Eh Eh Waka Waka Ma Eh Eh__  
__Zonke zizwe mazi buye__  
__Cuz this is Africa__[1]_

Slowly, her hands began to emit a soft light, a light in the color of her hair, and Boromir's wounds began to heal. (The arrows embedded in his chest miraculously disappeared without anyone noticing while she was singing.) The rest of the Fellowship's eyes widened in surprise, watching as her healing didn't stop at his wounds, but continued on to his old scars, making them fade and disappear.

When she was done, she gave Boromir the kindest of smiles and said, "I have healed you. May my gift to you be forever treasured."

And of course, because healing a man who was at the brink of death took a lot of her _infinite_ energy, she fainted from sheer exhaustion.

Boromir, already standing up because his energy was suddenly renewed by Isabella, made to catch her before her beautiful face became stained with mud, but Legolas caught her first with his Elvish grace and lifted her up into his arms bridal style.

Aragorn whispered fiercely, "I should have caught her!" Then he raised his voice and said with the authority of a leader, "Come! Let the lady rest. We shall stop here, and then continue our travel once she wakes up."

"What of the hobbits?" asked Gimli sadly. "Where are they?"

"The hobbits were captured by the Uruk-hai," replied Boromir gravely. "But we must let Isabella rest." He was fond of the little folk, yes, but Isabella came first, for she was _that_ much more important.

"We were captured?" wondered an unseen someone.

"No, Nincompoop, we weren't!" said another voice from behind them. The Fellowship turned in shock, not able to believe their eyes: Merry and Pippin were standing their, grinning foolishly as they were wont to.

"Yes, we were, Pip!" said Merry, slapping his cousin at the back of his head. He turned toward the others and explained. "We were captured by the Uruks, but then Isabella came flying down on this beautiful steed—she called it a Pegasus—and rescued us. But she didn't kill any of the Uruks; she spared them mercifully when they begged for their lives. Right now, they're on their way to spread the good news of the gorgeous angel that saved them from the evil hand of Saruman."

"And Frodo and Sam?" Gimly prompted.

"Here we are," called Sam, a little way off.

Frodo spoke, "Isabella caught up to us before we set the boat adrift, and convinced us that we should stay. She said it's not that hard to resist the Ring because she's had so much experience."

"She was so beautiful when she said it," began Sam dreamily.

"That there could be no way we could leave," continued Frodo. "She gave us such great hope."

"She truly is a beauty," murmured Gandalf, looking at the female in Legolas' arms with paternal love.

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

**1 Shakira's Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) lyrics, copied and pasted from LyricsMode.**

**Okay, I know I said that the story was complete. Technically, it was. But someone (by the penname of ****Mad Furry Cheshire Cat) reviewed it, and I remembered that this story existed. I looked through it again, and came up with the idea of posting the "Excerpts from Isabella's MacBook Air" part. **

**I plan on putting up the excerpt from her MacBook, ****and then I plan on posting what really happened. I'm working on the "What Really Happened" part right now, and hopefully I get to finish it before I leave for the airport to go to Spain in five hours as of 10:00. I doubt it, though, so you might have to wait two weeks for that.**

**WARNING: Since I'm not a creative genius like J.R.R. Tolkien, I don't know how to bridge the events with one another. So even though I change the important parts of the story, the effects will still happen. For example, in the **_**real**_** LotR, Boromir's death caused Aragorn to consider taking the throne. But since Boromir didn't die here, doesn't that mean that Aragorn won't take the throne? No. He still will. **

**Tell me which scenes from the original Lord of the Rings do you want me to add Isabella into, and that shall be ****Isabella's next excerpt. :D**

**I also plan on adding more to this excerpt. I want to add Isabella's more narcissistic side. **

**Follow me on Twitter: therantothea**

**Sneak peak of **_**What Really Happened**_**: **_**Boromir's Death**_

"Boromir!" Isabella called out in her high, nails-on-chalkboard voice. She tried pushing Aragorn aside, but the ranger knelt firm, glaring at the plain-looking teenager adorned in a clown wig. Isabella fell back and landed on her behind, the mud of the forest floor staining her clothes—not that anyone could notice, since she was already covered in the brown stuff. "Eragon! Move, you ass butt! I have to save him!"


	3. What Really Happened: Boromir's Death

_**What Really Happened: Boromir's Death**_

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

"Boromir!" Isabella called out in her high, nails-on-chalkboard voice. She tried pushing Aragorn aside, but the ranger knelt firm, glaring at the plain-looking teenager adorned in a clown wig. Isabella fell back and landed on her behind, the mud of the forest floor staining her clothes—not that anyone could notice, since she was already covered in the brown stuff. "Eragon! Move, you ass butt! I have to save him!"

"Hold your tongue, woman!" _Eragon_ ordered then looked back at Boromir. Isabella watched as the Ranger and the Steward's son said goodbye, and cried helplessly as Boromir took his last breath.

"Look at what you've done, you frickin' Robin Hood wannabe!" screeched Isabella. "I could have saved him. I have unlimited powers!"

"If you have unlimited powers, then bring him back to life!" roared Aragorn angrily, standing up and drawing himself to his full height. His steely gray eyes narrowed when she proved stupid enough to actually miss his sarcasm.

"Fine! Then I will!" Isabella crawled back over to Boromir's lifeless body, and began to sing in a voice reminiscent of Rebecca Black with no autotune,

"_Tsamina mina, eh eh__  
__Waka waka, eh eh__  
__Tsamina mina zangalewa__  
__Anawa a a__  
__Tsamina mina, eh eh__  
__Waka waka, eh eh__  
__Tsamina mina zangalewa__  
__This time for Africa___

_Awela Majoni Biggie Biggie Mama One A To Zet__  
__Athi sithi LaMajoni Biggie Biggie Mama From East To West__  
__Bathi... Waka Waka Ma Eh Eh Waka Waka Ma Eh Eh__  
__Zonke zizwe mazi buye__  
__Cuz this is Africa__"_

**..g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

Meanwhile, not-so-far away from the rest of the broken Fellowship, were a few Uruks…

"_Tsamina mina zangalewa…" _

"What an awful voice," grunted one Uruk in their native language, after hearing the entire chant/ song.

"I agree," said another. When their original leader died, he assumed command of their group.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head.

"Why don't we bring the owner of the voice back to Saruman?" he suggested. "He could use the voice to torture the prisoners!"

"Or he could use the voice in battle, so the enemy would get distracted and our side would win!" the first one blundered with excitement.

The new leader frowned, not liking that he wasn't the one who thought of that. "That could work too," he muttered ruefully. He addressed the troops next, raising his voice so all may hear. "We shall capture the owner of that voice!"

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

Legolas' sensitive ears picked up on the sound first.

"They're coming back!" he shouted to his comrades. "Isabella's voice must have called to them!" They all looked toward the girl lying on the forest floor, where she'd fainted with a pathetic whimper after she sang the odd song—or howled it; they couldn't tell the difference.

"Then let's leave the girl here and try to reclaim the hobbits!" roared Gimly, raising up his axe.

Aragorn frowned. As much as he hated the girl, he could not leave her here to die. "No," he said, wondering if he'd lost his mind. "We must bring her. We can lose her when were sure that she would be safe. Let us move quickly."

"Too late," said Legolas, pointing to the Uruks hurrying their way. "We must fight."

Gimli swore, moving into a Dwarf's battle stance. "Let this be quick. Hopefully, the Uruks will exchange the girl for the Halflings."

"Do not raise my hopes," Aragorn muttered.

And so they fought. The remaining Uruks versus the battle-weary Fellowship warriors, and eventually, the good side won. Legolas and Gimli rushed to the two captured hobbits and untied them.

"You know," began Merry, "I almost wanted to go with the Uruks. At least I'm not with _her_."

Isabella's eyes snapped open. "I'm not that bad!"

"Yes, you are."

"I HATE YOU!" She picked up a stray arrow and threw it with all her might toward the offending hobbit. It landed five feet away from her.

"I almost wish I were captured by the Uruks, too," murmured Legolas, watching the girl kick and stomp like a brat.

"Is she doing some sort of tribal Uruk dance?" Pippin said, noting the weird way she waved her arms. "Maybe she's a spy and she's calling more Uruks to come and get her."

They could only hope.

**.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.**

**Product of my psychotic mind. This is a very Mary-Sue plot, where I throw stuff in to make the story go the way I want. If you want to see more from my psychotic mind, check out my YouTube channel. Go to YouTube and type "therantothea" at the search bar. Please watch and comment and subscribe. :D You don't even have to review this story, just check out my YouTube. It matters more to me at the moment. **

**(Link is also on my profile.)**

**This was very rushed. I wanted to get this over with, so I won't have t****o worry about this for a while.**

**Remember, check out my YouTube channel! **

**(insert YouTubeURL here)/user/therantothea**

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